Comment for Grace on her Descriptive writing

Grace, I'm having no luck with your blog so thought I would post it on mine, it's just a little comment for your descriptive piece of writing.

Hi Grace,
You've got a great piece of descriptive writing here! I thought that it was a really interesting and original idea to describe not only aspects of the show itself but also of the anticipatory excitement that so often comes before it.
The inclusion of the little girl provides not only the contrast that you were able to describe in her behaviour before and then during the show, but also gives the essay structure, acting as a little theme that connects the beginning and the end of your writing. As a good piece of descriptive writing should, you have included a huge variety of exciting descriptive vocabulary creating a vivid picture in the mind of the reader.
You really drew me in with your writing and it was enjoyable to read!

Thanks,

Laura